Wednesday 5 May 2010
I felt like I made a fool of myself today. In physics, I found out that I couldn’t throw a ball straight up in the air. In electronics/chemistry study the whole electronics room was quiet and not messing around. Daniel told me that it was more ‘exciting’ when I wasn’t in the electronics room. The most embarrassing part was in maths. I felt like I portrayed myself as a quiet, ignorant fool. Philippa sat next to me – and as I was dragging the desk along, I stepped on her graphics folder. Maybe she didn’t see it but I’m sure she did. Sophie came in with my folder, which I left in D11 from the biology test at lunchtime. Chontelle, which in my conscience felt like she thought I was ignoring her. At the start, she played ‘damsel in distress’ by yelling out ‘I don’t get this’. I didn’t help her. Near the end of class, she gave up. I felt like I should have talked to her more.
After school it was usual at home. I did a lot more reps with the laptop box weight than I did 8 days ago. Bench: 35, 27, 27, 20. Although I can not see a physical difference, I can feel myself being stronger. I lifted my sister up with ease – easier than usual.
But I’m still worried I made a total fool of myself at school.
I can’t believe the little things I stressed about back in high school, I mean making a fool of myself for stepping on a girl’s work folder by mistake? Not helping Chontelle in biology? The worries I have now make those things seem so insignificant.
But I have so much regret about girls in High School. I was too much of a coward to talk to them properly and was always so nervous around them, and now I’m living with 5 girls! I cringe at how nervous and odd I acted around girls in High School, and although I’m not Prince Charming around them, I’m proud of how far I’ve progressed in the span of 3 years.
I feel foolish for making my own ‘laptop box weight’. It was only 20kg’s and looking back at it now, I wish I had bought proper weights instead of doing 35 reps of a 20kg homemade weight. But I was too scared to tell my parents that I wanted weights. I was too scared to tell my parents anything to be honest.
It’s going to be tougher than I thought going through my diary – I am jealous that Chontelle has a boyfriend and that I missed my opportunity with her. Now it hurts to think about it and I’d prefer to avoid the subject at hand, but I know it’ll be good for me as hindsight for my mistakes I made in High School (And university).